Hello. Just joined Reddit so that I can post this. This is ALL about my ex husband, whom I came to realize about a year after divorcing is a COMPLETE NARCISSISTIC ASSHOLE including but not limited to: gaslighting, manipulation, guilt trips, whining, "my way or the highway" mentality on many things, etc. WARNING: MENTAL ABUSE, MARITAL RAPE submitted by
TL:DR Ex husband is a gaslighting, manipulative narcissist who hates the close relationship I have with my family. He has tried everything to get me "completely under his control" (including trying to make me move away from my family to be close to his, to isolate me). No is NOT in his vocabulary. His idea of a perfect marriage is a 1950s wife subservient to husband and basically worships the ground he walks on, just taking all the abuse.
So here's the long, miserable story of my longest but worst relationship to date (I am currently in a long distance relationship with a wonderful man who is THE UTTER OPPOSITE of my ex)
Me - I have a great relationship with my close knit family. I love family things, trips to see family, spending time together, etc.
EX - The asshole. He and his two brothers were adopted by an already retired couple when my ex was 12 months old. His dad constantly gave them EVERYTHING because they were "HiS BaBy BoYs" (they had 2 daughters, both of whom are in their 50s or 60s and have children and grandchildren of their own), none of the three boys were disciplined and if their mom tried, she was reprimanded by their dad.
Things that I now realize are red flags will be marked as such
I (26F, but 15 at the time) met my ex husband (27, but can't remember if he was 15 or 16) in my freshman year of high school. We talked sometimes, always around a mutual friend R (who was a junior or senior at the time) at the end of our required gym class. We never did anything more than talk. A few years go by, I had turned 19 recently, and this was, I think March. I went to WalMart with my mom, my younger sister (who is now 19), and a female cousin that my sister and I are really close with. We are just walking around looking at makeup, nail polish, etc... The section next to that is pets. He is there with his friends, and one of the friends' moms (who I came to find out years later is ACTUALLY INSANE). Anyway, we talk for a little bit, I think nothing of it. At the beginning of May, I get a message from his brother on Facebook. He said EX sent him a letter from jail (major RED FLAG) and told him to send me a message on Facebook, expressing that he wanted to see me after serving his sentence. So he does. June 13, 2013, he shows up on my front porch at 9 in the morning. I invited him in, and after a little bit of talking with my family who was all gathered there, meeting and introducing etc, he asks my mom and dad if he can date me. They agreed, impressed that he would actually ask their blessing to date me first. So, we start dating. I return to school in September (I was lucky to be in a school that started the year after Labor day) to finish the credits I needed for my diploma, which I did in about a month. That was in October. The first Halloween as a couple was spent with me sick on the couch, and my parents allowing him to stay the night, sleeping in our armchair across the living room. Our first Christmas as a couple was spent with him in jail for non payment of previous incarceration-related fines (RED FLAG). So, when he got out of jail again, we spend the next week together from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed every day.
In May 2014, he ended up moving in to my parents' house with me (little did I know that was a HUGE mistake!!!!). We started off living in the basement because we also had some other family members staying with us while they searched for a new house. It was then that I learned he would sometimes be needed to help his cousins and their dad with their firewood "business". Sometimes I went with him, to get out of the house, but every time they would ask me to babysit the kids (his cousins' 4 stepsiblings, basically the definition of crotch goblins) while they all packed in the truck and went to the casino "because they earned it for their hard work" (RED FLAG). By the time my relatives moved out, we found out I was pregnant (twins, one didn't make it past 7 weeks gestation), so we moved upstairs into another room. Things went smoothly for the most part, but he started going to his cousin's house more frequently. He claimed it was to keep things stress free for me.... Yeah, BULL. SHIT.
We ended up getting married a couple weeks after my 21st birthday (I kept joking "Dammit I can't drink! But you all can drink for me!!"). Starting at about 30 weeks, I began feeling labor. Contractions, pressure, all that jazz. At about 33 weeks, I started having really REALLY bad contractions. I went in, and they ended up sending me to a hospital with a NICU just in case. Everything got back under control, and I was sent back home. EX started yelling at me about all the false labor and saying "The next time this fucking happens it better be the real fucking thing or so help me" (DUDE!!! I CAN'T FUCKING CONTROL IT!) and then he said "I'm going to my cousin's. Don't call me, even if you really go into labor. I'm fucking pissed off" (RED FLAGS). At my next appointment, my mom and I (because guess who was still pissed off?) found out my false labor was because I somehow had mono. Crazy.....
Anyway, the day finally came. My water broke, and we headed to the hospital. I got settled in, EX settled on the couch, my mom settled in the rocking armchair. I had to be induced because my labor wasn't progressing. 19 1/2 hours total of labor, 1 hour of pushing, and my little princess was here (currently 5). Her twin (we affectionately named Jelly Bean, because of the way it looked in the ultrasound images) was calcified in the placenta, sooooooooooo tiny!! HiS mAjEsTy EX couldn't be bothered through the night to sit with me and hold my hand through the pain and discomfort because he was "tired" (RED FLAG)........ Yeah, tired, my ass!! My mom stayed up with me holding my hand, and SHE cut her granddaughter's cord. Hospital policy stated that we had to wait 48 hours before release, for observation and helping mother and baby adjust. EX spent maybe a total of 20 hours in the hospital room with me. The rest of that time, he spent walking out to the main road to smoke cigarettes, and walking to Taco Bell to get food (it may or may not be a RED FLAG). After we got back home, he bragged to everyone that he bought everything we needed for our daughter (RED FLAG). No, no he didn't. The strollecar seat combo, the bath, the bouncer.... everything that was BOUGHT was bought by my parents (except the play yard/bed, my aunt bought that because my daughter was born a few weeks early). The things that weren't bought by my parents (a tiny percentage of the clothes and toys) were gifts from the baby shower guests, or from friends I had on Facebook.
It was shortly after we became established as a family (EX, newborn daughter, and I), that he really showed his narcissistic rainbow of colors. Every night, he would go to his friend's house to smoke weed and play Magic the Gathering (a card game my whole family used to play). He would come back in the wee hours, sometimes just before dawn or just after, and if I was awake, he would beg me for sex. If I agreed, it was usually reluctantly (hence, marital rape). If I wasn't (or pretended not to be), he would go to the basement and masturbate. A few times he fell asleep while doing that, and he was lucky I woke him up so he could put his little buddy back in his pants before anyone saw it. After he woke up, he would go fishing, or meet up with another friend, or ANYTHING that involved not being home and supporting his wife and newborn daughter. Before he left, he would tell me "You have (this list) to clean before I get back". If I didn't have it done to his unspoken specifications, he would yell at me (RED FLAG) for hours about it (HELLO, I AM TAKING CARE OF YOUR FUCKING NEWBORN CHILD 24/7 BECAUSE YOU WON'T GET UP OFF YOUR ASS TO HELP ME) and then say "Fuck this shit, I'm going to my cousin's". If there was something that I was upset about, he thought the only solution was sex (marital rape again), instead of talking about why I felt the way I did. "I'm not gonna solve the problem. Here, let's try this bandaid solution that works for me but does nothing for you, and you should feel better because I do". This went on for over a year.
My daughter's first Christmas, we had his mom staying with us (she's such a sweet old woman, and I wish we could have stayed civil, but she hates me for divorcing HeR bAbY bOy). He had a fight with my parents over his constant use of the basement, so much that almost no one could even do laundry as we have the washer and dryer down there. He ran off in a huff, packed a bag, and got ready to go to his cousin's yet again. He wanted me to come with him, and I said no because we had planned for MONTHS to go to my uncle's house a few hours drive away and spend Christmas Eve with them (my favorite uncle and family, we only get to see them once a year if we're lucky). He kept saying "When (cousin) gets here, if you don't go with me, you can expect the silent treatment all weekend".... His mom went with us to my uncle's house and we all had a great time, except when I spent an hour crying over him being an asshole.
The final straw was Halloween 2016, when my daughter was almost 18 months. I was getting things around (a lot of parents I knew especially around my small town make getting ready for trick-or-treating an all-day thing), and EX said "I'm going to visit with my friend. I want all this shit picked up and cleaned before I get back, or I'm not allowing you to go trick or treating." So in my mind, I thought screw that, I'm just going to continue getting us ready! So I did. He got back, and in a sickeningly sweet voice he said "You didn't get everything done, but since I'm a nice husband, you can still go. I'm going to help my cousins so I might not be here when you get back" (RED FLAG). When we got back, his wedding ring was sitting in the middle of the screen on my charging phone (RED FLAG). I was devastated. I messaged him, trying to get clarification. He said that it fell off his finger when he was changing his clothes (BULL. SHIT. It took a ton of pulling to get that damn ring off, there was no fucking way it "just fell off").... I told my parents, and they helped me see what an asshole he was, it was no accident, and if he constantly threatened divorce when he got pissed off, I should give that to him. So I did. I messaged him and said that he could come back to get his things, and we were over. When he got back, he constantly switched between crocodile tears ("Think of what we have, I won't do this again I promise, It's not what you think, BLAH BLAH BLAH BOO HOO") and rage ("What the fuck are you gonna do without me, you're a bitch, you're never gonna find someone else, no one's gonna love you if you keep telling your family everything BLAH BLAH BLAH YELL YELL"). He threatened my dad and uncle, before yelling "FUCK YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY BITCH" as they drove away
The next day, I did file for divorce. And he did his best to creep back in. We had to serve him an eviction notice because he lived there more than 6 months. The whole 30 days, he stayed there at night. A few times he came into my room to "show me he was sorry" with sex (again, marital rape, as I had JUST filed for divorce). While he was still at my house, milking that damn 30 days for all it was worth, he was supposed to sleep in the living room, with my dad and uncle keeping watch. He snuck back to my room while they were both sleeping, because he probably wanted to "show me he was still in control of everything".
The last week or so before the eviction notice was up, I stayed at my (alive at the time) late grandmother's house because of everything EX was doing. It has been a safe haven for me through the years, and I especially appreciated it at that time. My cousin was also staying there with her two kids (she now has 4). One day he showed up and was telling my daughter "Yeah, daddy's doing real good. He's gonna get you back, yes he is! I got a lawyer, I got a job, I'm getting my own house too" (all lies), and my grandma with her fiery redhead temper "OH, THE HELL YOU ARE!!!!!" and EX had my grandma, my psycho aunt, and my cousin all defending me and my daughter. I went back inside to keep all 3 kids busy, for one because they didn't need to be in the middle of that verbal sword battle, and for two grandma had a pretty small door so there wasn't room for me anyway. Grandma told EX that if he stepped foot on her property again she would call the cops for trespassing. He did, so she did. He was escorted back to my house (with only 3 or 4 days left of the eviction) while my aunt yelled after him.
The next day he wrote up and got notarized a note saying that he would give up all right pertaining to the house and items of (my address). And he left. A month goes by, and he snuck onto the back deck (the bedroom my daughter and I were in was an addition after the house was moved to its current location in the 1950s and leads onto the back deck) and knocked on the window scaring the living shit out of my daughter and I. We ran out to the living room to my dad (by this time his health problems had gotten so bad he couldn't walk up the stairs to his bedroom anymore) and we called the cops. They found him a few houses away "acting innocent" after investigating the yard. Footprints matched, and he went to jail for trespassing, as we could prove with the note in his own writing he gave up his rights to anything on our property. He ended up trespassing multiple times....
Close to my birthday (2017), he decided we wanted to finally begin his visitation. So he took his first.... The. Day. Before. My. Birthday......... He then called our landline phone asking to make sure my daughter was ready for her time with daddy. My dad then took the phone (turning on speakerphone) and asked if he knew it was my birthday. HE LAUGHED AND SAID YES THAT IS WHY I'M TAKING MY VISITATION NOW! I was devastated. I cried all that day. I cried the day he took her. I cried every time the phone rang, because he called to gloat that he had my daughter "Here, listen! Hear how happy she is? (laughter at my expense)". That night, he GLORIOUSLY called and asked if we could come pick up both of them. Obviously everyone that could, packed into the vehicle and we went to rescue my daughter. So we brought her back home (with extra baggage...EX). The whole way back home he kept saying "I couldn't get her to sleep, she wouldn't sleep, she didn't this, she didn't that." (NO SHIT!!! SHE WAS BREASTFED AND DIDN'T LIKE THE TASTE OF COW'S MILK AND NEEDED HER OWN MILK TO SLEEP) "But when we get back, she's sleeping in the living room with me. It's still my visit". And I internally laughed the whole way home. When we finally got home he said to me "Go ahead and take her back to the bedroom. She'll only cry out here." Aye-aye, captain. That was a great birthday, because I got my daughter back.
In the next 5-6 weeks, he only took a couple overnight visits at his buddy's house (which he gave my daughter PTSD from shoving hamburger down her throat, so she's afraid of new foods, and he locked her in a dark bedroom by herself so she screamed for 6 hours while he played a card game with his friends and that made her afraid of the dark, and combined with knocking on the window at night gave her night terrors that she still occasionally has), but the majority of his visits, he asked me to pick her up for some excuse or other. Some of them he ended up taking at my house (mini story, he went through my phone which I should have taken with me in hindsight while I nursed my daughter in our bedroom and discovered I was talking to another man romantically, and blew up stating we were still married because the divorce wasn't finalized, and he was kicked out and told he could never come back).
In mid-April, EX sweet talked me into reconciliation (hindsight is 20/20 BIIIIIIGGGG MISTAKE), so I went to his friend's house whenever it was his day for visitation. Every time it went the same: we get there, he sets her up to play with his friend's daughter's toys, I sit on the couch with EX sitting uncomfortably close. We do something with his friends, go back to the house, make dinner, get ready for the night. He sweet-talked me during each of these visits into having sex again (since the divorce was not finalized, it was marital rape again because I first said no). Over the next 3 weeks, I made excuse after excuse to NOT see him ("(daughter) isn't feeling well, I'm not feeling well, I have chores to do, (daughter) is already sleeping" etc). Sometimes I relented, to my eventual dismay.
The final straw in that God-awful reconciliation: May 27, 2017, my younger brother graduated. So did his friend's sister. He showed up to the school gym "to support (friend's sister)" (no, it was because my brother was graduating and he knew I'd be there). He took my daughter under the pretense of "giving my back a break" but after the grads threw their caps he said "Ok (daughter), tell mommy you'll see her in a few days because daddy wants to see you!" I was livid. He told me he would give her back at the end!!!! So after I got home, I packed a bag for me and my daughter, and I went to his friend's house. The sister was sitting at the table with some of her friends drinking beer (I could have called the cops for underage drinking, but I was "nice"), while EX and his friend were in the backyard starting an absolute MONSTER of a bonfire, and one of his other friends was watching my daughter and her son in EX's friend's daughter's bedroom while they were playing. I should have picked her up and took her back home then and there but I didn't. I stayed. There was a cookout. People left. Only a small handful of people were left and stayed because they didn't want to drive home drunk. I pretended to sleep, but I was awake all night. At about 6 in the morning, I left my sleeping (soon-to-be) EX, and I took my daughter back home. At about noon, I got a message that I need to come back and apologize to his friend's sister. I said Why? I didn't do anything wrong? So he explained that the sister and another friend (also underage, also drinking) told him that I made a snide comment about her drinking at her age and that someone should call the cops and I needed to apologize. I tell him I never made any comment of the sort, I was telling the truth, and why didn't he believe me? So he retorted I needed to come apologize because it's his friend's sister. I agree to come over and apologize, although I said nothing of the sort, and the only comment I made was in my head. So I do. I left my daughter at home with my mom, and went to apologize for something I didn't say.
That was the last time my daughter saw her dad, visit wise. I stayed inside, basically a prisoner in my own home but by choice, for a month. The only time I left was to go shopping at Walmart. When I finally decided to venture bravely out of the house into my own town, my mom, daughter, and I met my auntie, her kids, and her boyfriend at the park. He showed up, and tried to kiss me and hold my daughter. I handed my daughter to my mom because if I continued to hold her, I knew he would try to grab her from me, and I would let her go because I would never hurt my own daughter. I also knew HE would NEVER try that shit with my mom. He caused a scene, and my auntie's boyfriend called the cops. Cop showed up and question us. In questioning him, EX basically said point blank, if he got his hands on my daughter, he would kidnap her. The cop kept telling him to go to court because he couldn't do anything about custody issues. The cop finally left, but EX didn't. He wouldn't. He refused. I ended up getting in my mom's van, while I waited for EX to leave. Auntie's boyfriend had enough and asked my mom if he could take the van for a drive. We drove through the town's "rich neighborhood" and when we got back, my dad and uncle were there. I told them all what happened, and dad said I should call the non-emergency line and report sexual harassment because EX tried kissing me. The officer said someone would be by to give all 4 adults a statement to fill out. An officer came, gave us the blank statements and left. We all filled them out, and took them back. EX was arrested a week later. I got a PPO (personal protective order)
After he got out of jail, he kept deliberately trying to run into me. I saw him looking for me constantly. Every time he did, I went somewhere else. At least 4 times, he went to jail for a PPO violation. After the 4th time, the prosecutor told me that if it ever happened again, he would be sent to PRISON for a LONG time. My divorce was FINALLY finalized on August 14, 2017. EX has not seen me (but I have seen him around town) since then.
Thanks to everyone who read my whole story. I am happy to report I am in a long distance relationship with a WONDERFUL man who is THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE of EX. Due to the pandemic we can't as of yet, but as soon as we can, we both want to get married so he can adopt my daughter and get EX out of our lives for good.
Hello Mr Reddit and the REEEEEE army. I originally posted my story in EntitledPeople
but I would love to share my story of 4 years of absolute hell (yes, this is permission to make a video of my story), and if anyone wants to read it there also, go ahead. I can guarantee there are a few details there that I forgot to include here, and vice versa. This is the story of a manipulative gaslighting ass (EX, currently 27 M) who saw a girl (me, currently 26) with stars in her eyes and saw an opportunity to crush them one by one. Maybe it can give someone else hope of escaping a bad situation.
My story will be split into each year (each year starting with June 13 as that was our dating anniversary), and what happened when. I might not remember exact dates, as my divorce was finalized in 2017, but I will try my hardest to remember.
Cast: Me, a hopeless romantic that has grown enough to recognize and not put up with BS...... and EX, the entitled ass whom this entire story is about (things I now recognize as RED FLAGS will be labeled), and others will be introduced when they come up....
TLDR: Gaslighting, narcissistic, manipulative EX preys on my naivete, and makes 4 years become 1950s subservient housewife slavery, forcing me into bedroom activities, and getting angry when I don't cater to every little thing that pops into his ego-inflated head
Backstory: I have always lived with my parents. I have also always had a great relationship with them, and we were always close-knit. My siblings (21M, and 19F) never really had as close a relationship with our parents as I did. They always preferred to hang out with their friends rather than their family. I was always the "weirdo" in school and didn't really have friends because middle schoolers can be bitches. My parents had a one-in-a-million relationship, until my dad died this past April. It was pretty much a match made in heaven. They met in 1992 and just KNEW they would be married, and together forever. A week later they started dating. I came along in 1994, but due to some government mumbo-jumbo they couldn't get married or else they would lose their food stamps (they find a loophole a year later, and I pick their wedding date with chocolate pudding covered fingers). They had been married until my dad's death 25 years, and didn't argue EVER (amazing I know, I can hardly believe they were so lucky). I always hoped I would find a love like that.
BEFORE DATING: We first met when I was a freshman (15) and he was a sophomore (16). We had gym class together, and would usually talk before the end-of-class bell with a mutual friend R who went to church with me (I no longer go to that church). He was gone a lot, but I didn't really know him back then, so I really didn't care whatsoever.
YEAR 1: One day, about a month or so after I turned 19 (either late March or early April 2013), I was at Wal-Mart with my mom, my sister, and a female cousin (who was living with us at the time). We were looking at makeup, nail polish, hair products etc. At this Wal-Mart, the Beauty section was right next to the Pet section. I walked down to the pet section to look at the fish with my little sister, and a mutual friend J1 snuck up behind me and gave me a hug. I noticed EX was with him, along with J1's mom (who is literally batshit crazy), and someone else who I also went to school with, J2. We talked for a good half an hour before I had to find my mom, and they (J1, J2, EX) had to go. I thought nothing else of it. Another month or so later, I got a message on Facebook from EX's brother. He said that EX sent him a letter, and he wanted his brother to send it to me on Facebook. It was sweet, and he said he wanted us to start dating, and he would even ask my parents if he could. He did. In June, he showed up on my front porch (I would later learn that he had come to my house straight from jail, which sweet, simple, hopeless romantic me had no clue was a RED FLAG), I invited him in, and he asked my parents if he could have the honor of dating me. They said yes, and we were exclusive. He was very sweet at the beginning. Always buying me pop (soda, for all you non-Michiganders) and my favorite candy bars. Our first Halloween as a couple was spent with me sick on the couch, and him being allowed to spend the night to take care of me. Our first Christmas as a couple was spent with him in jail for unpaid fines (RED FLAG), and after he got out, we spent the entire next week together from the time I woke up, until I reluctantly crawled into bed. He would come over before I awoke, and he wouldn't leave until I was wrapped in my blanket and I could hear him telling my parents good-night. It was great. In May 2014. he had some problems with his grandma (she wasn't really his grandma. He was living at her house with his cousins (C, the "main" cousin, we add to the cast), and she was THEIR grandma, so EX just called her grandma), so my parents, EX and I had a discussion and my parents said he could move in. So, we move a spare bed into the basement (at this time the cousin we had living with us had moved out, and there were only 3 other people living with us), sharing with another couple (also cousins) living with us. So, after he moved in and being young and in love, we started THAT (this will come into play later). I soon found out that he had a "job" of sorts, helping his cousin's dad (CD) cutting down trees and splitting them for firewood (reliable side income for many in Michigan). Over the next 4 months, he would go to help them with firewood. Sometimes I went with him, just to get out of the house.
YEAR 2 (starting 3 weeks or so after EX moved in): Within those 4 months mentioned in the previous "year", any time I went with him, CD would take his wife, C, and EX to "reward EX and C at the casino for hard work"....... And CD and wife would have me babysit their 4 brats while they were gone (putting it nicely, they were the definition of crotch goblins). So I didn't go much. One day in September we YEAH, and I went home the day after. He came home the day after I did. (NOTE: THIS IS WHERE THAT COMES INTO PLAY) About 3 weeks later, we went to his cousin's mom's (CM) place, because EX had agreed to help his cousin (C2, C's younger brother) clean his room. I was kind of chatting, small talk with CM. I had mentioned to her that we YEAH a few weeks ago. She asked me if I wanted to take a pregnancy test. I said "Sure, why not. Can't hurt. The worst is it could be negative" (ever since I was a little girl, I had always wanted to be a wife and mother). So I peed on it, and BIG REVEAL, IT'S POSITIVE! Very faint, but enough to tell it was there. I told EX because he was done helping C2, and he was just as happy as I was. But at the same time, he kept saying "Your dad's gonna kill me, isn't he?" So we went home. I pulled my parents out on the porch, and EX and I break the news "You're gonna be grandparents!" They were a little disappointed that we didn't wait until we were married (but they didn't either, so......). The next day I made an appointment to see my family doctor to confirm. He confirmed I was about 4 weeks along. He also said that since most of the OBs and midwives around that took medicaid did an ultrasound on the first visit, they would schedule my first visit about 7 or 8 weeks. I finally made an appointment for a midwife visit and starting WIC. I passed the next 3 weeks telling my friends and family. Everyone screamed with excitement, and offered congratulations. Finally my midwife appointment came! I excitedly relayed all the needed information, took in all the information she gave me, and then we headed down the hall to the ultrasound room. Imagine my surprise when I see on the screen TWINS!!!! EX was in the room with me first, and then I asked him to get my mom, but tell her it's a surprise. My mom came in the room and she was also very excited. But it was not all happy. Only one twin was alive. The other measured as though it had died within the previous few days. But still, I had a child inside me. I was growing a life. And I felt great. I had a relatively easy pregnancy. No morning sickness, no back pain, not really anything uncomfortable. But it was after my 2nd or 3rd midwife appointment that EX decided to go to CD's place more often (RED FLAG). His excuse was always "I don't want to stress you out" or "They need my help with XYZ". At the time I thought, ok, whatever. I guess he thinks it helps me. But no, I found out that every single time he went over there, they went to the casino, and he spent every last penny that he was "paid" for "helping" (RED FLAG). We finally ended up getting married a couple weeks after my 21st birthday (side note: I kept telling everybody "I can't drink, you do it for me!"). After we got married, I had a few labor scares. At the end of April, I had another labor scare (I was only at 34 weeks). Mom and EX took me to the hospital, and I was then sent to another hospital that had a NICU just in case my baby came early. EX got mad at ME for constantly having to drop everything and "take my ass to the hospital", and then said "I'm going to CD's house, I'm not talking to you, and when I get back this shit better be under control" (RED FLAG). Like, dude, I CANNOT CONTROL THIS!!!! Everything settled down, and at my next midwife appointment, they told me that I had mono, and that is what caused my labor scare. Little did I know that shortly after that I really would go into labor.... May: Labor started around 2AM. I woke EX, and he kept saying "Go back to bed". Uh, no, this is the real thing, no mistake this time. I wouldn't let it go, so we both got up. I was excited to finally meet my baby! We woke up his mom (EXM) (who had come for my baby shower 2 days prior, and we were letting her stay for 2 weeks). My dad was already awake, as he always had intuition about stuff like that. I remember when we walked out of our bedroom, my dad immediately said "You're in labor aren't you?" So I gave him a wide smile and a thumbs up. I called Maternity, to the midwife on call and explained what was going on. She said to come in, and that it sounded like it was go time. I told her that I would let my mom finish her shift at work, and we would be in shortly after. She said to call her before we leave, and she would let staff on the floor know that she would have a patient here in about 2 hours. After my mom pulled in the driveway, EX and I met her outside and I said "Don't bother turning the van off. It's time". From 2AM, 19 1/2 hours later my beautiful baby girl was born. My mom was the hero of the day, not EX. He went down to the main road every hour or so to smoke a cigarette. He slept through my worst pain because "he was tired" (no shit, you think I'm not????) (RED FLAG both). My mom was by my side the whole time. She held my hand through everything. Asshole EX couldn't be bothered with caring for his laboring wife..... Hell, my mom even cut my daughter's cord because "Damn that's gross!!!".... Through our next 48 hours (hospital policy), he was at the main road to smoke, or walking to Taco Bell more than he was in my room. It was like he didn't even care. When my mom came to pick all 3 of us up, she brought with her my grandma (my maternal grandmother), and EXM. Funny side note: while waiting for my release paperwork to be brought around, EXM told EX "I didn't know you could make something that cute" (XD). After I was released, EXM paid for all of us to get McDonalds. We got home and everyone was waiting to see my little princess (EX and I ACTUALLY AGREED that no one could post pictures, and that we wouldn't post pictures either, until after we returned home). My other grandma (paternal grandmother) and my aunt were helping my cousin (aunt's daughter, not the same cousin from the beginning of my story) (I also have stories about them, but they will be told some other time) at our house. My aunt and my cousin went to Wal-Mart the previous day to buy a bed (play yard/playpen with bassinet insert) for my baby, as my parents weren't able to buy it yet, so aunt and cousin basically saved them some money by buying my daughter's bed. Everyone oohed and aahed. We were happy. But after the excitement wore off a few days later and everyone went home, EX..... Well..... He was complaining about my siblings spending too much time on games, and tried using force to get them off the games (RED FLAG). A huge fight ensued after my sister basically called him a hypocrite (because in all honesty, he was being one. He was on his own games just as much, if not MORE than my siblings). Things got heated, he went to CD's house, and I went with him (though I now know I should have stayed home because the whole time we were at CD's house, he complained about the fight and tried to defend himself for being in the right.... No, no you were not EX) (RED FLAG). We stayed at CD's house and went back home the next day. Things were kind of tense at home. EX was gone a lot more than usual. After we took his mom back home, everything in our relationship took a turn for the worse. RED FLAGS everywhere. He would be gone all day with his friends, smoking weed and playing Magic the Gathering (a card game my family and I had long given up), or with C and CD. When he was with his friends, he would come home just shortly before or after sunrise. If I was awake he would badger me for YEAH. If I didn't relent, he would huff down to the basement to "relieve himself". That would also happen if I was asleep, or pretended to be. Many times he would fall asleep downstairs and I would have to wake him up to fix himself, to make sure my kid sister (or anyone else for that matter) didn't see him indecently.
YEAR 3 (starts when my daughter is about 6 weeks old): RED FLAGS continuing from previous year: Whenever he was gone during the day, or staying with C and CD, he would demand I clean everything on an unwritten list, but who gives a damn if I have to take care of a newborn? I needed to clean first! Let her cry!!! I didn't clean what was on his damn list. I was taking care of my baby, doing my best to give her the best start in life. Oh, no, he didn't care. To him I was nothing more than a slave, put on this earth to cater to his every whim and satisfy his every need. "Take care of the baby on your own time! Worship the ground I walk on!"....... If I didn't have done what HE wanted done, he would yell, punch walls, pretty much everything short of shooting a gun (that if he did, he would be in violation of probation). He would always say "I'm going to CD's house. I don't know how long I'm staying there, but I'm turning my phone off. I'm not messaging you, I'm not calling you. I think I might have them take me to the courthouse so I can file for divorce!" See, every time His Majesty didn't get what he wanted, his number 1 tactic to "get me to change" was threaten divorce (this will be important later). This went on for quite a while. I was starting to realize I was happier when he was gone, but I thought it was because I didn't love him enough..... In mid to late December (maybe around the 20th?) we went to pick up EXM, so she wouldn't have to be alone for Christmas, and she would stay with us until after New Years. On the 23rd, EX got into a verbal fight with pretty much my entire family. With my parents over his constant use of the basement (which EX constantly called "his man cave"). With my uncle, B, over his poor treatment of me, EXM, and my daughter and how he's never home like a man should be. With my siblings, over what I can't remember now, but EVERYONE was pissed off at EX. So he did what he ALWAYS did, he called CD and begged to be picked up. EXM followed us into our bedroom so she could talk with EX. He turned to me (a few times while waiting for CD to get him) and said "Are you gonna be a good wife, and show them that you're on my side, and come with me?"...... No. No, I absolutely will not. We had plans for Christmas Eve, to visit family that we rarely got to see, and DAMMIT I AM NOT SHRUGGING OFF A VISIT WITH MY FAMILY SO YOU CAN THROW A PITY PARTY!!!!! So he left. We took EXM with us to visit my extended family, and everyone enjoyed themselves (I had a nice healthy cry of bottled up emotions over EX's outburst the previous day and him not being there with me). But I felt better afterward and joined my family once again. We all left in high spirits. EX came back early Christmas morning, and acted like everything was fine. It was not. He refused to apologize for anything. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. The tension was there to stay. In a couple of months, for our anniversary, he went to CD's house again. This time it was only for a few hours. He came back with pop (soda), my favorite candy bar, and a small bouquet of flowers, trying to erase all his wrongdoings. It didn't work. Those "thoughtful" things were only a bandaid solution to the real problem... Things would only get worse. For the rest of this "year" he was gone more than he was home, "because he couldn't stand being married to a lazy useless wife who doesn't do her job right, or any job at all", but he asked for YEAH less, and for that I was happy.
YEAR 4 (starts when my daughter is just over a year old) (Here comes the roller coaster, so buckle up for a long bumpy ride): He was gone 90% of the time. When he was home, he was starting fights with my family over stupid shit. He never apologized for anything. Hell, he STILL never apologizes for anything. But to be fair, I have him blocked on Facebook because of non-stop harassment..... Anyway, it was at this point I became almost apathetic in my marriage and relationship with him. I clung to my family and my daughter. They (and my dogs) were the only things that brought me joy. The final straw was Halloween (which we don't celebrate anymore, because reasons). Now, where I live, getting ready to trick or treat on Halloween is pretty much an all day thing. So I was getting my daughter and myself ready. EX headed toward the door and said "I want X Y and Z taken care of before I get back, or you can just take those damn costumes off right now." I didn't care, so I continued getting my daughter and I ready. He came back and said in a sickeningly sweet voice "You didn't get (tasks) done, but, because I love you sooooooooo much, you can still go. I'm probably gonna be at CD's before you get back, and I'll probably be gone for a couple days, because they need my help." So we went trick or treating. Then when we got back, I went to my bedroom to get my phone, as I had left it home to charge because I didn't have a vehicle charger. I went in my bedroom, and there, sitting on my charging phone, was his wedding ring. I was confused. I was hurt. I called EX, because I thought surely there must be some explanation. "Oh, yeah. It slipped off as I was putting on my jacket"..... Yeah, I called BULLSHIT!!!! That ring was so tight on his finger that it took some serious muscle to pull off. It COULD NOT just slip off. It was put there on purpose. I was stunned, and I ran to my parents for comfort. They dried my tears, and gave me courage. (Here is where the divorce threatening comes into play) They said "Well, if EX wants a divorce, give it to him. You know we're behind you and support you 100%." So I messaged him "I am done. I am leaving your things on the porch. You can get them and then leave." Within 20 minutes, he was in the driveway, trying to sweet talk his way back into my heart. My dad and uncle B were backing me up. I pushed EX away while handing him his things. EX got irate and started yelling, threatening to kick my dad's bad leg, accusing my parents of brainwashing me. No, EX. I haven't seen or thought more clearly in a long time. YOU have been brainwashing me..... The next weekday (I can't remember if it was Nov 1, or what date), I filed for divorce. Due to BS "squatter's rights" (because he lived at our house more than 6 months) my parents had to formally evict him. He had to be out within 30 days. Over the course of November, I spent most of the month at my paternal grandmother's, just down the road, because when I would stay at home, EX would wait until my dad and uncle were asleep, sneak into my bedroom, and sweet talk his way into YEAH. After he finished, he would go to his friend's house, and when my dad and uncle woke up again, they asked me what happened. We all agreed that shouldn't happen anymore. My dad told me that when EX was at home, milking that eviction notice for all it was worth, he would constantly play games on his phone. If he noticed anyone watching him, he would cry and mourn our marriage. Whenever EX left, my dad would call grandma's house and tell me it was safe to come back home. I would hand my daughter over to my mom, and get on the computer to check Facebook messages and whatnot. As soon as EX saw that I was available and online, he would rush back, and I would rush back to my grandma's. When there was about a week left before his final date, he walked down to my grandma's house. I answered the door, and EX was all smiles for my daughter. He was talking to her, but it was loud and directed at me "Daddy's got a lawyer, I'm getting a job soon, and my own apartment. Daddy's doing a good job to get you back!" I took my daughter back from him, and my grandma took her from me (note: fiery redhead with a temper to match) while she said to him "THE HELL YOU ARE! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE ON MY DAMN PORCH?!?!".... and a loud argument ensued. My cousin (aunt's daughter) and her kids were also staying for a little while (her husband has a job that he's only home on the weekends). I brought all 3 kids inside, mine and her two, while grandma, cousin, and aunt were giving EX the ass-chewing of a lifetime. As he walked away down the road, grandma yelled after him "YOU STEP FOOT ON THIS PROPERTY AGAIN, I'M CALLING THE COPS ON YOUR SORRY ASS!". A few days later, he came back. This time it was night. Cousin's two kids were sleeping, my daughter was sleeping on my shoulder. I took my daughter inside when I saw him because I knew there would be yelling. There was. A lot. The cops were called, and they agreed to take him back to my parent's house because "with each party of a domestic dispute at different addresses, there's nothing we can do, except to return the wrong party to the rightful location" (fucking cops in my area, dumb as a box of rocks.....) So, EX finished out his notice, and had a memo notarized saying he would give up all rights to the house and property at (our address). For many nights in a row, I sat awake in terror, because I could smell weed outside my window. One night, he knocked on the window at 3AM begging me to let him in. It was because of that night, that my daughter (only about 19 months old at this point) began to suffer from night terrors. Sometimes, she still does to this day.... I woke my dad, the cops were called, and EX was caught a few houses down the street from matching boot prints. Every time I smelled weed outside my window, I woke my dad, and we called the cops. It took 3 times doing that before he went to jail. When he got out again, he didn't sneak around outside my window anymore. He just rode his bike by my house all the time, camped in our bushes out in the backyard (but we never actually caught him doing that, as he wasn't there at daybreak). When it was close to my birthday, EX decided that he was going to start his visitation AN OVERNIGHT THE DAY BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY......... I was devastated. It shattered my heart. I knew he only wanted to do that BECAUSE it was going to be my birthday... I cried, but I got my daughter ready that morning. She screamed bloody murder when he took her out the door with a smug look on his damn face. Throughout the day, he called the house to brag. Every one of my family members were in tears. Then, gloriously, EX called and asked if someone could pick them up. My heart was mended and a million times lighter! My mom, dad, uncle B, grandma, and me piled into the vehicle because I'M BRINGING MY BABY HOME DAMMIT!!!!!! We get to where he stayed that night, and my daughter was overjoyed to see me. He tried to be sneaky and kiss me, but I nipped that in the bud. On the way back home, he said "When we get back, she's sleeping in the living room with me. It's still my visit." When we got home he changed his tune "Ok, she can sleep in the bedroom"... I slept very well that night. Throughout the next 2 months, he would take his visits, but call me shortly after his time started or before his time ended giving me some excuse why he couldn't finish. One overnight visit, I seriously wish he would have called me, because he messed up her mental health.... The day after that overnight visit when he brought her home, he bragged that he got her to eat hamburger..... by shoving it down her throat (which she now has PTSD from, and is afraid to try new foods). And he bragged he got her to sleep by herself...... by shutting her in a dark, strange bedroom where she screamed from 8PM-2AM until she exhausted herself (which is why she now will not sleep without her TV, and is currently terrified of her bedroom at night because the cord to the VCR broke). The next day visit after that, he decided he would take at our house. Everything was going as well as could be expected. I left my phone on the table as I took my daughter to the bedroom to change her diaper. When I had finished, EX glared at me from across the room........ Then I noticed my phone in his hand. "Who the hell gave you the right to look through my damn phone?!?!?!" At this, he started screaming like a banshee "Our divorce is not fucking final. You are still my wife. I have every right to look through your phone, and you are talking to another guy?!?!?! WE'RE STILL MARRIED! THIS MEANS YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME!!!" At this, my dad woke up and bellowed in his deepest voice "YOU WILL NOT DISRESPECT MY DAUGHTER OR MY GRANDDAUGHTER IN MY HOUSE! YOU DO NOT LIVE HERE ANYMORE! YOU CAN GET YOUR SHIT AND LEAVE THIS HOUSE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!" I comforted my daughter because obviously a booming voice terrifies a child. He missed his next two visits. His visit after that, he asked me if I would stay with him and my daughter at his friend's house. I agree, if only to protect my daughter. That was a BAD mistake. We went over there, and EX sat my daughter in front of his friend's daughter's toys, and led me to the couch. He tried to cuddle with me, my resolve melted, and I let it happen, which I didn't want. When I finally left, he asked me if I could come for the next visit too. I did, to protect my daughter. One day in April, he sweet talked me into reconciliation. I really wish I hadn't, but I digress. It was a month and a half of staying overnight at EX's friend's house at least twice a week. I hated it. The only part I liked was when EX's friend put him in his place...... The very last time I visited with him, was May 27, 2017. My brother graduated high school. So did EX's friend's sister (S). EX showed up at the school gym. I thought he was being thoughtful when he held my daughter through the ceremony. But it was not thoughtful at all. Afterward, when everyone was trying to leave, he said to my daughter "Tell mommy bye and you'll see her in a few days!" OH HELL NO! I tried grabbing her out of his arms but he tightened his grip. "Uh, uh, uh, you can get her if you come to my friend's house for the night"..... So I did. S was sitting at his table drinking a beer in celebration. As I picked up my daughter I thought to myself "Young lady, you are not old enough to drink. I should call the cops right now. I mean they're just across the street". Things were going fine. I tried keeping to myself. After everyone that needed to left, and everyone else settled down to sleep, I laid quietly for a few hours. At around 6:30 or so in the morning, I got outerwear and shoes on myself and my daughter, and we snuck home. Thank God my dad was awake and unlocked the door for me. The two of us took a long nap, and I awoke to a message from EX "Hey, you need to apologize to S."
"Why? What did I do?"
"She and a couple other people heard you saying that she's way too young to be drinking"
"But I didn't say it. I may have thought it, but I didn't SAY it." (Were they all mind-readers?!?!)
"I don't care if you said it or not. Get your ass over here and apologize" (Why? You never apologized to my family for shit we all heard you say)
"Fine, I'll be over in a bit" I left my daughter with my mom at home so that there wouldn't be any incentive for EX to entice me to stay.
So I went back there, and apologize "Hey S, I'm sorry. I don't believe I said that, but you heard me, so I offer my apologies." And then I left to walk back home again. Through the next month, I pretty much gave myself house arrest. I didn't step foot outside my house, unless it was going to Wal-Mart.
FINAL YEAR PORTION (June - October): When I finally decided to venture out into town, my mom, daughter, and I were going to meet up with her best friend, my auntie (Sh) her husband (T) and her 4 kids at a local park. Everything's going well, until speak of the devil, EX shows up. I handed my daughter over to my mom. EX tried to kiss me (in hindsight, I should have slapped him, and I would have had witnesses it was self defense), and he had a fit because "I didn't trust him with his own daughter" (damn right I don't!). He didn't leave, despite multiple warnings T would call the cops. EX didn't leave, so T made good on his threat and called the cops. Cop arrived, we all explained we were enjoying a cookout until EX started harassing us. Then EX stated outright "If I get my hands on (daughter), I'm gonna kidnap her". Cop told him to go to the court if he wanted his daughter so bad. He also told us that since we didn't rent the pavilion, EX had every right to be there, same as we did. So EX sat down with a smug look on his face, mentally gloating "I won, you can never get rid of me." I finally had enough, so I went to my mom's van under the guise of changing my daughter's diaper and her clothes, but really, to hide and hope EX would go away. T asked my mom to borrow her keys, went to the van, and said "Let's go for a ride". So we did. When we returned to the park, my dad and uncle B were there with mom and Sh. Dad asked about what happened, and when I got to the part about EX trying to kiss me, he said "Report his ass for sexual harassment". Dad helped me call the non emergency line of the sheriff's department. They sent out a police officer to mom, me, Sh, and T to give us statements to fill out, and told us to take them to the sheriff's department when we were done. On July 7, a police officer stopped by to let us know that because our 4 statements lined up with each other, that EX was arrested that morning.
It was then that we all banded together, without threat of EX, to protect my daughter and I. Sh took us to the courthouse the next day, and I stopped the reconciliation. A few days later, my dad took me to the courthouse and I got a PPO (personal protection order) and he was not allowed within 100 feet of me or my daughter. He was arrested a few times for PPO violation. He sent me message after message on Facebook, and that was also PPO violation. When he was arrested for that, we had a hearing at the courthouse (for what exactly I can't remember), but as he was hauled up the stairs, he yelled to me "HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY BITCH" (yes, yes I am). The friend of the court (bitch on a power trip who thinks all moms are petty bitches) yelled at me about "the stunt I just pulled, having EX arrested while he was waiting for the hearing as I should have been"..... To be completely honest, in my mind I was throwing rose petals and making petal angels. It was sweet revenge after years of mental torture. We all celebrated that one. It was the last time I saw him (the last time my daughter saw him was the day at the park). After that, and serving his sentence, from what I heard, one of my relatives (don't know exactly which one as I have dozens in that area alone) scared the daylights out of EX by telling him "You leave OP and that baby alone, because you don't want to know what will happen".
So EX has not tried to contact me whatsover, in any capacity, in over 3 years. No fake Facebook accounts, no asking friends to message me, nothing.
I am happy to say that I am currently in a long distance relationship with a man who is the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of EX.
Thanks for reading my story. I know it was long, but I feel better getting it off my chest to complete strangers on the internet :)
Alright so, I took the default database from there https://skribbliohints.github.io/
and with the help of html, I extracted the words to a list separated by commas. It's useful when you want to translate those words into your native language. Word of advice
, when using google translate, do not put all words at once there, it can rapidly worsen the translation.
(And there is a last thing
. Their algorithm of picking only custom words is not working really good, at least for me. Meaning that I often get duplicates, despite having a list this big and without duplicates. I'm still trying to find some solution to this, so if somebody is experiencing this as well, share the knowledge please, I will do the same.) SOLUTION:
Thanks for the reply from PepegaWR
who identified the cause. I also tested it and there seems to be a custom words limit of 5000 characters. The easiest way in my opinion is to shuffle the words before each session to minimize the impact. Also thanks to the flynger
who had the same idea before me :)
Finally, here it is, enjoy the scribbling ^^ :
ABBA, AC/DC, Abraham Lincoln, Adidas, Africa, Aladdin, America, Amsterdam, Android, Angelina Jolie, Angry Birds, Antarctica, Anubis, Apple, Argentina, Asia, Asterix, Atlantis, Audi, Australia, BMW, BMX, Bambi, Band-Aid, Barack Obama, Bart Simpson, Batman, Beethoven, Bible, Big Ben, Bill Gates, Bitcoin, Black Friday, Bomberman, Brazil, Bruce Lee, Bugs Bunny, Canada, Capricorn, Captain America, Cat Woman, Cerberus, Charlie Chaplin, Chewbacca, China, Chinatown, Christmas, Chrome, Chuck Norris, Colosseum, Cookie Monster, Crash Bandicoot, Creeper, Croatia, Cuba, Cupid, DNA, Daffy Duck, Darwin, Darwin Watterson, Deadpool, Dexter, Discord, Donald Duck, Donald Trump, Dora, Doritos, Dracula, Dumbo, Earth, Easter, Easter Bunny, Egypt, Eiffel tower, Einstein, Elmo, Elon Musk, Elsa, Eminem, England, Europe, Excalibur, Facebook, Family Guy, Fanta, Ferrari, Finn, Finn and Jake, Flash, Florida, France, Frankenstein, Fred Flintstone, Gandalf, Gandhi, Garfield, Germany, God, Goofy, Google, Great Wall, Greece, Green Lantern, Grinch, Gru, Gumball, Happy Meal, Harry Potter, Hawaii, Hello Kitty, Hercules, Hollywood, Home Alone, Homer Simpson, Hula Hoop, Hulk, Ikea, India, Intel, Ireland, Iron Giant, Iron Man, Israel, Italy, Jack-o-lantern, Jackie Chan, James Bond, Japan, JayZ, Jenga, Jesus Christ, Jimmy Neutron, John Cena, Johnny Bravo, KFC, Katy Perry, Kermit, Kim Jong-un, King Kong, Kirby, Kung Fu, Lady Gaga, Las Vegas, Lasagna, Lego, Leonardo DiCaprio, Leonardo da Vinci, Lion King, London, London Eye, Luigi, MTV, Madagascar, Mario, Mark Zuckerberg, Mars, McDonalds, Medusa, Mercedes, Mercury, Mexico, Michael Jackson, Mickey Mouse, Microsoft, Milky Way, Minecraft, Miniclip, Minion, Minotaur, Mona Lisa, Monday, Monster, Mont Blanc, Morgan Freeman, Morse code, Morty, Mount Everest, Mount Rushmore, Mozart, Mr. Bean, Mr. Meeseeks, Mr Bean, Mr Meeseeks, Mummy, NASCAR, Nasa, Nemo, Neptune, Netherlands, New Zealand, Nike, Nintendo Switch, North Korea, Northern Lights, Norway, Notch, Nutella, Obelix, Olaf, Oreo, Pac-Man, Paris, Patrick, Paypal, Peppa Pig, Pepsi, Phineas and Ferb, Photoshop, Picasso, Pikachu, Pink Panther, Pinocchio, Playstation, Pluto, Pokemon, Popeye, Popsicle, Porky Pig, Portugal, Poseidon, Pringles, Pumba, Reddit, Rick, Robbie Rotten, Robin Hood, Romania, Rome, Russia, Samsung, Santa, Saturn, Scooby Doo, Scotland, Segway, Sherlock Holmes, Shrek, Singapore, Skittles, Skrillex, Skype, Slinky, Solar System, Sonic, Spain, Spartacus, Spiderman, SpongeBob, Squidward, Star Wars, Statue of Liberty, Steam, Stegosaurus, Steve Jobs, Stone Age, Sudoku, Suez Canal, Superman, Susan Wojcicki, Sydney Opera House, T-rex, Tails, Tarzan, Teletubby, Terminator, Tetris, The Beatles, Thor, Titanic, Tooth Fairy, Tower Bridge, Tower of Pisa, Tweety, Twitter, UFO, USB, Uranus, Usain Bolt, Vatican, Vault boy, Velociraptor, Venus, Vin Diesel, W-LAN, Wall-e, WhatsApp, William Shakespeare, William Wallace, Winnie the Pooh, Wolverine, Wonder Woman, Xbox, Xerox, Yin and Yang, Yoda, Yoshi, Youtube, Zelda, Zeus, Zorro, Zuma, abstract, abyss, accident, accordion, ace, acid, acne, acorn, action, actor, addiction, addition, adorable, adult, advertisement, afro, afterlife, air conditioner, airbag, aircraft, airplane, airport, alarm, albatross, alcohol, alien, allergy, alley, alligator, almond, alpaca, ambulance, anaconda, anchor, angel, anglerfish, angry, animation, anime, ant, anteater, antelope, antenna, anthill, antivirus, anvil, apartment, apocalypse, applause, apple, apple pie, apple seed, apricot, aquarium, arch, archaeologist, archer, architect, aristocrat, arm, armadillo, armor, armpit, arrow, ash, assassin, assault, asteroid, astronaut, asymmetry, athlete, atom, attic, audience, autograph, avocado, axe, baboon, baby, back pain, backbone, backflip, backpack, bacon, bad, badger, bag, bagel, bagpipes, baguette, bait, bakery, baklava, balance, balcony, bald, ball, ballerina, ballet, balloon, bamboo, banana, bandage, bandana, banjo, bank, banker, bar, barbarian, barbecue, barbed wire, barber, barcode, bark, barn, barrel, bartender, base, basement, basket, basketball, bat, bathroom, bathtub, battery, battle, battleship, bayonet, bazooka, beach, beak, bean, bean bag, beanie, beanstalk, bear, bear trap, beatbox, beaver, bed, bed bug, bed sheet, bedtime, bee, beef, beer, beet, beetle, bell, bell pepper, bellow, belly, belly button, below, belt, bench, betray, bicycle, bill, billiards, bingo, binoculars, biology, birch, bird, bird bath, birthday, biscuit, bite, black, black hole, blackberry, blacksmith, blanket, bleach, blender, blimp, blind, blindfold, blizzard, blood, blowfish, blue, blueberry, blush, boar, board, boat, bobsled, bodyguard, boil, bomb, booger, book, bookmark, bookshelf, boomerang, boots, border, bottle, bottle flip, bounce, bouncer, bow, bowl, bowling, box, boy, bracelet, braces, brain, brainwash, branch, brand, bread, breakfast, breath, brick, bricklayer, bride, bridge, broadcast, broccoli, broken heart, bronze, broom, broomstick, brownie, bruise, brunette, brush, bubble, bubble gum, bucket, building, bulge, bull, bulldozer, bullet, bumper, bungee jumping, bunk bed, bunny, burglar, burp, burrito, bus, bus driver, bus stop, butcher, butler, butt cheeks, butter, butterfly, button, cab driver, cabin, cabinet, cactus, cage, cake, calendar, camel, camera, campfire, camping, can, can opener, canary, candle, canister, cannon, canyon, cap, cape, cappuccino, captain, car wash, cardboard, carnival, carnivore, carpenter, carpet, carrot, cartoon, cash, casino, cast, cat, catalog, catapult, caterpillar, catfish, cathedral, cauldron, cauliflower, cave, caveman, caviar, ceiling, ceiling fan, celebrate, celebrity, cell, cell phone, cello, cement, centaur, centipede, chain, chainsaw, chair, chalk, chameleon, champagne, champion, chandelier, charger, cheek, cheeks, cheerleader, cheese, cheeseburger, cheesecake, cheetah, chef, chemical, cherry, cherry blossom, chess, chest, chest hair, chestnut, chestplate, chew, chicken, chihuahua, child, chime, chimney, chimpanzee, chin, chinchilla, chocolate, chopsticks, church, cicada cigarette, cinema, circle, circus, clap, clarinet, classroom, claw, clay, clean, clickbait, cliff, climb, cloak, clock, cloth, clothes hanger, cloud, clover, clown, clownfish, coach, coal, coast, coast guard, coaster, coat, cobra, cockroach, cocktail, coconut, cocoon, coffee, coffee shop, coffin, coin, cola, cold, collapse, collar, color-blind, comb, comedian, comedy, comet, comfortable, comic book, commander, commercial, communism, community, compass, complete, computer, concert, condiment, cone, confused, console, continent, controller, conversation, cookie, cookie jar, copper, copy, coral, coral reef, cord, cork, corkscrew, corn, corn dog, corner, cornfield, corpse, cotton, cotton candy, country, cousin, cow, cowbell, cowboy, coyote, crab, crack, crate, crawl space, crayon, cream, credit, credit card, cricket, cringe, crocodile, croissant, crossbow, crow, crowbar, crucible, cruise, crust, crystal, cube, cuckoo, cucumber, cup, cupboard, cupcake, curry, curtain, cushion, customer, cut, cute, cyborg, cylinder, cymbal, dagger, daisy, dalmatian, dance, dandelion, dandruff, darts, dashboard, daughter, day, dead, deaf, deep, deer, defense, delivery, demon, demonstration, dent, dentist, deodorant, depressed, derp, desert, desk, desperate, dessert, detective, detonate, dew, diagonal, diagram, diamond, diaper, dice, dictionary, die, diet, dig, dinner, dinosaur, diploma, dirty, disaster, disease, dishrag, dispenser, display, diss track, distance, diva, divorce, dizzy, dock, doctor, dog, doghouse, doll, dollar, dollhouse, dolphin, dome, dominoes, donkey, door, doorknob, dots, double, dough, download, dragon, dragonfly, drain, drama, drawer, dream, dress, drink, drip, drive, driver, drool, droplet, drought, drum, drum kit, duck, duct tape, duel, dwarf, dynamite, eagle, ear, earbuds, earthquake, earwax, east, eat, echo, eclipse, eel, egg, eggplant, elbow, elder, 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Sometime about twenty years ago, I was hired on as a GM at a new pizza joint. It turned out to basically be a huge scam the owner was trying to pull hoping it would fail quickly and he could collect insurance or something and he probably hired me as I was the youngest applicant. Unfortunately for him, after he hired a couple of other employees at his standard, he left the rest to me, along with a computer that he didn’t think worked that had been left behind by the last restaurant that had been there. It worked and within a day I was able to pull up already set up spreadsheets for calculating food costs etc. I had solid restaurant management experience and the people I hired were all very good workers and knew their shit, so we had the place running quite well as he tried to run it into the ground. submitted by
The most memorable employee that he hired was Kevin the delivery driver. I truly believe had he hired a GM who would go along with his way of running the business, which included taking cash out of the drawer randomly without it being recorded and dated (I made sure to keep the records) that he and Kevin and his other hires (mostly Kevins as well, but this one was King Kevin) could have made this crash and burn spectacularly within the first two months. Anyway, on to the Kevin stories.
Kevin and Basic Food Handling
Kevin was in his mid 50’s and had worked for nearly every single other pizza delivery joint in town. Although Kevin had been working in pizza restaurants for over 20 years, he wasn’t able to assemble a pizza very well. There aren’t really that many differences in pizza kitchens, but he was able to not know what the ingredients were, or how to scatter them evenly on a pizza. In the first week, I asked him to please wash his hands as he had just been out on a delivery and was going to get on the table to help with orders (our boss had a special running, $2 Large for pick-up so we were swamped) and he told me “I already washed my hands today.” Kevin was no longer allowed to make pizza, though we did make him wash his hands a lot after that, just in case.
Kevin and Basic Geometry
As Kevin was no longer allowed to make pizza, we (while monitoring hand washing) put him on the cutting table when he wasn’t on a delivery. I had diagrams up of how to cut each size of pizza. He called me over to the table. “How do I cut this?”
It was a medium, so through the middle, then in thirds. I tell him that and he asks me “How do you find the middle?”
“It’s halfway through, down the center.” I point at the diagram.
“But how do you know where the center IS?”
I spent a couple of years as a math tutor, mainly for people having difficulty with basic to intermediate math as adults and I’ve answered some pretty basic questions with plenty of patience, but I had no immediate response to this. He has been working in this industry for over 20 years, he can drive, but he has no idea how to find the center of a circle. We worked it out by me drawing a circle on a new sheet of paper and folding it, and he was able to at least cut pizzas, until we had to take him off of that as well.
Kevin and the Band Aid
We received a call from a customer, who was (praise the pizza gods) a friend of the owner’s, to let us know that there was a band aid in his pizza. Kevin had to check and realized that he was missing one from his finger. Kevin now sat in the customer area instead of being allowed near anything that wasn’t already in a box and ready to go.
Kevin and Getting Good Tips
Kevin did try very hard to do his job, as evidenced by the constantly recycled cars he went through to keep himself working. The last bit here is about his tenacity. I received a call after he had been gone for quite a while on a delivery. It was Kevin. He had just been T-boned by a truck on his way to dropping off the pizza and had finished speaking with the police. He was being encouraged to go to the hospital to be checked out, but first he wanted to deliver his pizza. So he was walking to the address with it. It was still another 20-30 blocks away. I had to talk him down, encourage him to go to the hospital while there was someone there to give him a ride, and we let the customers know what had happened and send out a comped delivery right away. He had thought they would be appreciative of the hardship he went through to deliver them smashed up, late, cold pizza and give him a big tip for his injuries.
I tried many, many times to fire Kevin, but the owner wanted to keep him on, so I pretty much washed my hands (though he didn’t) of him and tolerated him as he would not let him go. The one benefit we got from having Kevin there was that as he had worked everywhere else in town, if we ran low on anything, he could call another store and get us a loan of a few boxes of hamburger until the trucks came in and the like.
Eventually the owner won in his battle for destroying the business by taking all funds out of the bank and the till and going to a casino over 800 miles away and we all had to quit as we weren’t getting paid. Perhaps a year later I had ordered a pizza from a non-chain place in town and it was delivered by Kevin. I tipped him well, out of pity, and never ordered from that place again.
TL;DR – Though working in pizza delivery for over 20 years, Kevin doesn’t know how to make pizza, wash his hands, find the center of a circle, notice losing a band aid in someone’s order, and thinks walking a pizza to its destination after an accident will get him a better tip
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